I’m not a huge sports fan in the least, but I do enjoy baseball. And give me the San Francisco Giants? Even better!
Last night, my dad surprised me by taking me to the Giants vs. Diamond Backs at AT&T Park. We always have a great time, no matter the game’s outcome–which, sadly, our boys lost last night. The highlight of the game for me was when Pablo “Panda” Sandoval made a great catch at the shortstop position and was blowing a bubble at the same time–hilarious.
Typically, we don’t have too many “tools” sitting around us, but last night must have been the exception. It was like the baseball gods said, “Sorry, Tamar, but we’ve been WAY too nice to you for the past few years. Now you get to enjoy mediocre crazy tonight.”
Despite my annoyance, looking at all the interesting folks surrounding us was actually fascinating. Were I not a writer to the core, I may have felt otherwise. I began to think about the “types of fans,” just like any other “types of [insert cliche phrase or descriptor here]” articles. So, without further ado, I bring you…
The 6 Types of Baseball Fans
1. The Awkward Loner: The Awkward Loner typically goes to the game by himself. He is a season ticket holder and wonders where your friend–a fellow season ticket holder as well–is, only to deduce that said friend must have given their tickets to you (the NOT season ticket holder) for the night. (Which is obvious from the long and awkward stare you are given by him.)
The Awkward Loner never says a word–he doesn’t even audibly cheer–but considers himself to be a die hard fan. T.A.L. does clap, however, and will stand tall and proud when a good play evokes the crowd to explode from their chairs. But if the game gets sleepy, T.A.L. will leave early–without a word–and will also leave his water bottle behind as the only sign that he was even there in the first place.
2. The Social Media Mom: This mom is “young and hip,” and knows all the cool social media platforms. She buys her children their favorite treat to give herself at least five minutes of bliss to post said offspring’s ice cream cone and churro to Instagram. She also knows all her hashtags, and has more “following” than “followers.” And, you better believe she’s gonna Instagram that snack and her kid’s (adorable) face to Twitter AND Facebook. The world needs to know that her kid is the most talented ice cream licker this side of the hemisphere.
Even her husband knows the cue for an Instagram or Facebook moment. He’ll avert his eyes from the game–no matter how intense the play–to make sure he doesn’t get yelled at later. He can turn his smile on like a faucet, appeasing his wife, then frowns back to the field. At least S.M.M. feeds her kids.
3. The Late & Loud Fake Fan: This fan is late and makes a big deal about people being in their seat. Late & Loud “can’t find” their ticket by the time they get to their seat, but has a friend or two to vouch for them. Once seated, they will cheer for the team regardless of what inning it is–or if there are even players on the field. They also obnoxiously boo the opposing team, and ignore glares from the surrounding section of more subdued fans.
L & L really belongs at Happy Hour, but they like to shout and draw attention to themselves. And what better venue than a baseball game? This fan also chastises the rest of the section for not being as enthusiastic as they. Could this person be drunk already at 6:30pm, or did they simply skip their sedative today? The entire section lets out an audible, relieved sigh when Late & Loud decides to leave early to join friends at a local bar. Must be a fake fan to behave like that.
4. The (Wannabe) Gangster Group: The (Wannabe) Gangster Group hails from the nicer part of town, but dresses like they just rolled in from East Side Compton. Hats are on sideways like a 90’s rerun of Fresh Prince, and their girlfriends are sporting the Chola make-up. But everything “gangsta” about this group turns out to be an upgrade of ghetto fabulous. In fact, all they sport–including the home team’s paraphernalia–is designer brand.
The girlfriends become a little too loud and cheerleader status when they run out of beer. And you better believe that the girls will have their way and get a group photo with everyone flashing gang signs with their hands. At least they leave early to join Late & Loud at the bar.
5. The Sign Artist: The Sign Artist comes prepared with every fan sign you can imagine. He rhymes all the players’ last names in a beautiful ballad which he will enthusiastically raise in the air–like he just don’t care. But all of us behind him do care. The Sign Artist learns quickly to keep his masterpiece in the air for exactly 3.5 seconds until the crowd begins to complain. He will continue to throw up those posters until the game gets sleepy. At that time, he does not feel the team is worthy of his beautiful poetry, but will save his works of art for next week’s game.
6. The Avid Aisle Walker: The Avid Aisle Walker makes us wonder if she even knows the score–or that she’s at a baseball game, period. The first time she sweetly says “sorry” while tripping over your half-empty popcorn bag is fine, but by the fifth time, you’ve had enough.
Perhaps A.A.W. has bladder troubles and has no choice but to frequent the restroom. Perhaps she is responsible for feeding everyone in her group. I’d even be willing to throw in Restless Leg Syndrome. But every time she comes and goes, it’s the same: “I’m so sorry; thanks for letting me through…” empty-handed and no better at avoiding your feet just like the last twenty times. The only thing to save one from A.A.W. is to leave the game before she does.
Hope you enjoyed my post today! What are some types of fans with whom you’ve crossed paths? Feel free to comment and share below. Until next time…